Archive for May 18th, 2009

YOUR MARITAL HEALTH/FINDING OUT WHO’S THE MATTER WITH US: HOT SEXUAL PROBLEMS – PELVIC-REFLEX ADDICTION (MALADAPTIVE HYPERSEXUALITY)

Monday, May 18th, 2009

PELVIC-REFLEX ADDICTION (maladaptive hypersexuality): I can’t get enough. I can sit in my car in the shopping mall and see a good-looking woman. My hips will hump a little and I might move my hand down and rub my penis. I would screw every good-looking woman in the world if I could. I think I do in my own mind. One partner would never be enough for me. Maybe not even one at a time.

HUSBAND

The loss of intimacy in sexual interaction and the replacement of intimacy with thrusting and contractions was reported by 244 of the men. They felt that their sexual experience had become pelvic and that they were addicted to their need for pelvic release. Sex for them was not sex if there was no pelvic contraction.

I can get it done well. I am very responsive . . . hyperresponsive . . . a nymphomaniac maybe. I love to do it. I ride him fast and hard. It’s like I devour him. I’d like to get every stud I could. You know what they say. The more the better.

WIFE

One hundred and two women reported the problem of pelvic-reflex addiction. Their vocabulary revealed a genital focus, an emphasis on contractive release that distracted them not only from intimacy but sometimes from daily life activities. Whether or not men and women can truly be “addicted” to sex is not clear and is now debated in the research literature. My couples indicated that there was a habitual focus on pelvic contraction at the expense of partner or relationship focus that resembled the dibilitating life distraction of alcoholism and other substance abuse.

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THE DESEXUALIZATION OF THE AMERICAN MARRIAGE/A SEXUAL-SYSTEM EXAM: A SEXUAL “BALANCING ACT”

Monday, May 18th, 2009

I work, I wash, I clean, I cook, I parent, I give up!

WIFE

I help out around the house.    

Husband

Big deal! I’m used to dust.

SUGGESTED GRAVESTONE EPITAPH BY ERMA BOMBECK

IMBALANCE:

UNEQUAL DIVISION OF TASKS: RESPONSIBILITY FOR MARITAL SEX TO ONE PARTNER

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TENDING TOWARD    TENDING TOWARD

BALANCE    IMBALANCE

Do you feel that your marriage includes a shared approach to the problems of daily living, including the erotic life of your marriage (balance)? Or, does it seem that one of you is more responsible for things, that it is one partner’s house, one partner’s “job” to initiate sexual encounters (imbalance)?

Remember the idea of “flowing” in systems as you score your marriage on this item. All marriages must have imbalance or there could be no growth in the system. Sometimes one partner has to carry the entire burden, perhaps because of illness or work obligations on the part of the spouse. Super marriages are well enough balanced to have plenty of imbalance. As a child learning to ride a two-wheeler, eventually a safe range between imbalance and corrective balance is maintained. Some falling is needed for learning to occur.

You very seldom hear about a woman who is home “babysitting” her own children, but wives will sometimes report that their husbands are “babysitting,” as if his children were not really his but instead some type of marital obligation. It is still rare to hear a woman state, “I even did the wash” or “I cleaned up his kitchen for him.” Sex rules may be changing, but if my couples are any indication, not very quickly.

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